John McCain is on Ellen Degeneres' show today (taped yesterday) and she brought up the subject of gay marriage. Dun dun dun! Ellen started by saying that she wanted to address " the elephant in the room." I was expecting Mike Huckabee to come out with glazed donuts. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

Johnny doesn't believe in gay marriage. Duh. Ellen used the opportunity to voice her opinion, "I think that it is looked at and some people are saying the same that blacks and women did not have the right to vote. Women just got the right to vote in 1920. Blacks didn't have the right to vote till 1870. It just feels like there's this old way of thinking (that) we are not all the same. We are all the same people. All of us. You're no different than I am. Our love is the same." Ellen is right. We are all the same people. Well, except for Paris Hilton. She's a dirty animal.

Ellen went on to say, " It sounds to me like saying well you can sit there (points in one direction), you just can't sit there (points in another direction). That's what it sounds like to me. It doesn't feel inclusive. It feels isolated. It feels like we aren't owed the same things and the same wording."

John responded, "I've heard you articulate that position in a very eloquent fashion. We just have a disagreement and I, along with many, many others wish you every happiness." Lies.

Ellen finished with a joke, "Thank you. So you'll walk me down the aisle? Is that what you said?"

McCain doesn't believe in gay marriage and I don't believe in him. We're even. And to think, I was going to invite his pasty ass to my upcoming Xanadu-themed California wedding. I really wanted to see him in velour chocha cutters and roller skates. He can stop checking the mail for his invitation! It ain't coming.

Visit Towleroad to see the video