Look, I’m a woman, and I know what Lindsay’s doing with her eyes.  That is one intense look and it has nothing to do with Cinco de Mayo or Hold The Mayo or Pass The Miracle Whip (okay, maybe the last one, a little bit, as long as you aren’t out in the sun):

Lauren [Conrad] and Lo looked particularly sloppy and Lindsay, well….rumor is that she was trying to cozy up to Joel [Madden], despite having her weird non-girlfriend Samantha Ronson by her side.

Good night.  Is there anything walking with a penis that Lindsay won’t try to bonk?  Never mind that Joel is supposedly in a committed relationship with Nicole Ritchie and that he has a new baby at home…this girl is honing in on her prey.  I just hope he’s got some Germ-X in his pocket before he takes something home to Harlow.  Don’t let Nicole see this pic…she’ll kick his butt and then not eat for a month.  (No, I’m not trying to be mean.)

And shame all over Joel for ever allowing himself to get in that situation to start with.  He should know better than that.  Of course, it is Lindsay…I guess the alluring, musky scent of fake tanner and cigarettes is just too much for any red-blooded male to overcome.  So can he really be blamed for that goofy look on his face?  He’s just a man.  Just a mortal man.

I’ll bet “Top Mom“ Dina is so proud right now.  Happy Mother’s Day!