You know, before I saw the above video of “American Idol” hopeful Danny Noriega I already didn’t like him. Not because he’s a total flaming fruitcake of nonsense, because hey, it takes all kinds to make up the rainbow of life. Nope what I didn’t like about Danny, besides the fact he’s way prettier than I am, is that he’s such a little snotbag sh*t.

The way he rolls his eyes, pours it on for the camera, oozes pettiness and hostility, it’s all the things about today’s teenagers that I despise. His angst is completely insincere. We get it Danny, you are here, you’re queer, you want us to get used to it.

You aren’t the first gay teenager America’s ever seen. You aren’t even the first gay American Idol we’ve ever seen (Hello? Clay Aiken anyone?). Clearly, regardless of the opportunity you’ve been given to perform on the most watched singing talent show in the world, you are obviously pissed off about something in your life. Despite the fact, you are talented, attractive, charismatic and live in a world where you can be as openly “out” there as you want and for the most part, people accept you, you still can’t seem to spare us the drama and immaturity of your flippant insolence.

Also, how dare you crap on Santa and Christmas? This shows me how overly indulgent your parents must have been. They clearly should have spanked you more.

Danny, if you were my son, I’d wash your filthy mouth out with soap. Then I’d put a pretty little pink bow in your hair, some pick lipstick on your pouty little mouth and send you to your room.